WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:270000

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And finally New Rule: Liberals
need a "stand-your-ground" law

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for Cancel Culture. 

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So that when the woke mob comes
after you for some ridiculous

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offense, you'll stand your
ground. Stop apologizing

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because I can't keep up anymore
with who's on the shit list.

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Now lately Republicans have
been trying to appropriate the

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term "Cancel Culture"

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to describe what happens to
them when they get a just

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comeuppance for actual crimes
and this muddying the water is

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unfortunate because Cancel
Culture is real.

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It's insane and it's growing
exponentially and it's coming

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to a neighborhood near you

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if you think it's just for
celebrities, -

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no 

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in an era where everyone is
online.

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Everyone is a "public figure." 

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It's like we're all trapped In
"The Hills Have Eyes and Wi-Fi."

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Take Mr. 

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Emanuel Cafferty. 

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He is -

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was -

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a San Diego Gas &  Electric
worker, but he got fired

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because someone reported him
making a "white supremacist

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hand gesture" outside the
window of his truck

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but he's not a white
supremacist;

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he's Latino 

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and he wasn't making a hand
gesture.

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He's probably just flicking a
booger.

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Is this really who we want to
become -

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a society of phony,

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clenched asshole avatars 

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walking on eggshells, always
looking over your shoulder

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about getting ratted out for
something that actually has

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nothing to do with your
character or morals?

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Think about everything you've
ever texted emailed searched

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for tweeted blogged or said in
passing

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or now even just witnessed. 

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Someone had a Confederate flag
in their dorm room in 1990,

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and you didn't do anything?

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You laughed at a Woody Allen
movie?

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Andy Warhol was wrong - in the
future,

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everyone will not experience 15
minutes of fame, but 15 minutes

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of shame.

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And 62% of Americans say they
have opinions.

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They're afraid to share 

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80% of Americans young, old,
rich, poor, conservative,

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liberal, white minority all
hate the current atmosphere of

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hypersensitivity.

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Yeah. 

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Everybody hates it, and no one. 

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stands up to it. 

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Because it's always the safe
thing to swallow what you

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really think and just join the
mob.

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So if someone asks you if
Justin Timberlake owes Britney

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Spears and apology for not
being a perfect boyfriend when

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they were teenagers...

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just say yes 

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easy as Justin did issuing an
abject apology and then vowing

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to return sexy back to where he
found it.

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Now,you 

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may be asking. "Why are we even
talking about this now?"

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Well, 

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the New York Times did a
documentary about Britney

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Spears.

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Really the New York Times. 

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Wait till you see the searing
expose

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they have coming up on Pebbles. 

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Anyway in it we find out that
teenage Justin hadn't become a

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perfect person yet.

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And when asked if he had sex
with the girl whose big hit

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was called "I'm a Slave For
You" -

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said yes.

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What a cad,

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although I truly believe any
guy willing to wear matching

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outfits

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can't be all bad. 

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Now 

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as for a song called "I'm a
Slave For You"

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...nothing?

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Is 

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this something? 

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The Mandalorian's Gina Carano
is a person

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I'd never heard of and resent
that I have now.

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She's some conservative
wrestling chick who kicks ass

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on a show

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I wouldn't watch if I was in
prison.

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And she made some Nazi analogy
- who doesn't these days?

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"You're like the Nazis" is the
new "I don't like you," but

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it's always okay when Trump is
the Nazi.

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That disqualifies her from
marching around planet

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Who-Gives-a-Shit in a helmet?

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By the way, "you can't work in
Hollywood if you don't believe

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what we believe"

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yeah in the '50s, that's
exactly what the left complained

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they were being told. 

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Now the week before it was
Chris Harrison's turn in the

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barrel.

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He's the host of "The Bachelor"
and is "stepping away"

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"Stepping away

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to 

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educate himself on a more
profound and productive level

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than ever before."

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Oh good, 

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good 

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because all my life. 

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I've looked up to the host of
the "Fuck a Stranger" show,

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And if I thought I couldn't
count on "The Bachelor" for

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moral guidance,

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I don't know if I could go on.
And of course, he's not

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"stepping away" because he's
the host of a televised snake

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pit where 32 female
contestants are trapped in the

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sorority house from hell.

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It's because he wouldn't throw
one of them under the bus when

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it came to light that in college

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she attended a Dress Up Like
We're in the Old South Party,

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which is not a type of party

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we should be throwing in that
it winks at a civilization

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built on slavery.

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Yes, but apparently in 2018
millions of people were still

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doing it and mature people
understand humans are

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continually evolving

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as opposed to Wokeville where
they're always shocked

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we didn't emerge enlightened
from the primordial ooze.

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What's Chris Harrison supposed
to do build a time machine go

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back to 2018 and knock the mint

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juleps out of their hands? 

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Maybe while he's time traveling
he can have a word with that

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asshole Abraham Lincoln,

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whose now canceled in San
Francisco

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and they're thinking about it
in Illinois..

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Yes, the Land of Lincoln 

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might cancel Lincoln 

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Memo to social justice Warriors:

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when what you're doing sounds
like an Onion headline,

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stop.