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What do you get when you combine a handful of Congressmen and four tech executives?

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It sounds like a joke.

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Oh he heard it already.

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We've got representatives from Apple, Amazon, Facebook, Google, and Andrew Heaton.

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Howdy fellas. I look forward to your objective questions.

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Any single action by one of these companies can affect
hundreds of millions of us

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in profound and lasting ways.

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Like the federal government.

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Simply put they have too much power.

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They have too much power.

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Their ability to dictate terms, call the shots, upend entire sectors,

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and inspire fear represent the powers of a private government.

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Yeah that's our job.

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The concentration of the economic or political power is dangerous to a democratic society

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Nobody's having any self-reflection
right now.

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Can anybody name the three branches of government?

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Bullying, fear, and panic.

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Nailed it.

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Any business that wants to be found on the web must pay Google a tax.

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Are you saying taxes are bad? Are you flirting with me?

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What's to stop apple from increasing its commission to 50 percent?

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That reminds me, let's raise taxes to 50 percent.

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Even some of the largest companies in the country fear your power.

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Well we're not rolling out unmarked bands in portland so maybe layoff lady.

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I will be introducing the house companion bill later this afternoon.

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You cannot force people to be your house companion.

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Would you agree to this this idea.

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I don't know, I mean maybe if it's a voice
vote? No, no, no.

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I mean six months of lockdown I'm not picky right now.

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Grab a bottle of champagne we'll just we'll see what happens.

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We all do all kinds of online social
media every all kinds of that kind of

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that that uh outreach that communication
we all we all do all kinds of online

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social media every all kinds of that
kind of that that uh outreach that communication.

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It sounds like you're very communicative

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Ever retaliated against or disadvantaged
a developer who went public about their

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frustrations with the app store?

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I think you're asking about punishing whistleblowers and I would like to compliment the gentleman

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on keen awareness of the institution in
which he presently sits.

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America is a remarkable nursery for innovation and entrepreneurship and pursuit of the American dream.

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You're saying America is a good place to pursue the American dream?

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In America you should be rewarded for success.

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What are you gargling?

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Being big is not inherently bad.

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Thank you yes body positive.

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The committee will stand in recess for 10 minutes while we fix a technical feed with one of our witnesses.

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There has to be consequences there have
to be consequences amazon has said it's

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fixing fixing it's fixing
fixing fixing whatever it's counterfeit

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problem
i encourage this body to pass stricter

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penalties for counterfeiters and to
increase

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law enforcement resources to go after
counterfeiters we would love for you to

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do your job if you could do your job
better and smarter

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that would make our job a lot easier i'm
a government official i know

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thanks florida i'm worried about
google's market power

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everybody's got to go through you
there's really no alternative

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you should really google ballot access
you can use bing i guess

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big tech's out to get conservatives if
facebook is out there trying to

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repress conservative speech they're
doing a terrible job at it

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top 10 most shared articles on facebook
in 2020

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trump suggests injection of disinfectant
to beat coronavirus

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and clean the lungs i mean i'm ready to
try it my parents who have a gmail

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account
aren't getting my campaign emails

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they're going to spam in junk folders
where they belong they flagged you like

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to uh
redirect your attention to anti-trust

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law rather than fringe conspiracy
theories

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mr chairman we have the email there is
no phrase

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it's not your time jordan you do not
have the

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don't take it seriously does amazon
pursue similar

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predatory campaigns in other parts of
its business you all are just hunting

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for
sound bites aren't you the way a cheetah

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would pursue a sickly gazelle
cool i would love to be far more

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aggressive and nimble that would be
terrifying is it okay to try to extract

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in that negotiation leverage with
respect to getting content from them

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in general i think that when two
companies are negotiating you are

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negotiating not just the
the amount of money that's going to

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change hands but also what you're going
to get in exchange for the amount of

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money yeah so what you're
describing in that negotiation is a

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negotiation when users
say alexa buy batteries alexa response

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would you like to buy
double a amazon basic batteries we

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do promote our own products is that
legal

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usually in our quest to regulate big
companies we end up hurting small

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companies more google regulatory capture
the whole goal of this committee's work

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is to make sure that there are more
amazons that there are more apples but

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no more political parties people are
stuck with bad options

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we should still hold the election on
time though can you assure

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americans today you won't tailor your
features to help joe biden in the

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upcoming election
we support work that campaigns do a yes

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or no question
have you stopped beating your wife it's

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a yes or no question
amazon strings you along for a while

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because it feels so good to get that
paycheck every week

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we called it amazon heroin how did you
hear about that why on

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earth would they compare your company to
a drug dealer

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maybe because they're responsive and
make him happy i want to respectfully

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disagree with the characterization
respect i strongly disagree with that

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characterization great respect
i don't agree with the premise i would

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like to disrespectfully disagree you all
are showboating we could have done this

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through email i think that the history
proves that congress does a poor job in

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picking winners and losers honestly you
sound like a cassette tape that's been

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pulled out and re-spooled we're back to
exactly where we were in 1984. there was

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a 1984 super bowl ad
i remember it very well the ad ends with

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this lady running in in color and
smashing the screen

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it was uh apple versus ibm at the time
yeah but

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that the point was mob think
cancel culture group think is not what

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this country is about i'm sorry are you
telling the ceo of apple what an

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apple ad is about very quickly can each
of you simply

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commit to improving racial and gender
equity at your company no but we will

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automate everyone equally can you just
make a blanket commitment

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i'll take the duvet this hearing has
made one fact clear to me let the

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records show that the congressman is
reading a prepared statement

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about what he just learned today this
must

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end thank god